Back in the U.S. of A

I did it. I got on the plane and left Brazil.  After 24 hours of travel I have arrived in Tucson, Arizona.  I am already grateful to my friends in the US- phone conversations and gchats already today have made me excited to see everyone and have made my return easier.  Tomorrow I depart for Portland, Oregan for a wedding of an old friend, then off to Seattle and Yosemite to end my summer with some of the most beautiful places in the US.  It is hard to believe that the semester will begin in two and a half weeks, but perhaps it is better not to dwell on that.  I will keep writing in this blog until the semester starts and then…well we will have to see if I have anything blog worthy to say during the semester.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.  

Saying Goodbye to Brazil...Again

Cachoeira de Sossego

Poco Azul (Sunlight reflecting on the water in the cave makes that color)

Cachaca at Fazendinha with Cica and Maysa

A beach in Salvador

Itana & I at the beach drinking agua de coco

My nine last days in Brazil were full and memorable.  If anything I was reminded that I have a life here, which means that leaving Brazil is not just leaving a place that I enjoy visiting, but it’s leaving that life behind.  Yes, I am quite aware that I have a life waiting for me in Tucson, Arizona: wonderful friends, family a short flight away, and oh yes a PhD program to complete.  But when I think of how I spend my days in Brazil, it is hard to not long for one life over the other:  Early morning capoeira classes filled with laughter (and a little bit of pain); hours spent at the farmer’s market, drinking juice and coffee and chatting with friends long after I’ve purchased my vegetables; almost daily baths in the river and the conversations with people I run into there; hearing music I love everywhere I turn; spending time with old friends and new friends, working on my research and drawing strength from the women with whom I speak; dancing; running; being outside 90% of my hours awake; day hikes to magnificently beautiful places; discovering new things about people and places everyday; feeling completely like myself even without understanding why that happens here; having people rely on me and relying on people in return. 

My last week and a half in Brazil was a celebration of my life here and left me wanting more.  I was able to spend time with my friends, hike to a waterfall I’ve always wanted to visit, dance forro in Lençois and samba beachside in Salvador, and eat in abundance all my favorite Brazilin dishes.  I spent six nights in a row out with different groups of friends sending me off.  Saying goodbye to some people was very difficult.  My closest friend Katia is seven months pregnant and having a difficult pregnancy on top of a very stressful life, or because of the stressful life.  She has grown to depend on me for emotional support and I foresee many skype phone calls to Brazil in my future until this baby is born safe and sound.  Saying goodbye to she and her family I once again had the sensation that I was leaving a little piece of my heart behind with them, just like I leave a little piece when I say goodbye to my family in the United States, just like I left a little piece in Senegal years ago.  When I described this sensation to a Portuguese friend she said this, “Your heart grows every time you take these people into your life and so you have pieces to spare; it will grow again.”  I liked that idea and will carry that imagery with me as I return to the United States.

I created a little prayer for myself my last day at the river and I hope to use it to ground myself when I am in the depths of graduate school madness: May the peace and happiness I feel here [the river] remain with me always.  I wish the same for everyone in my life and like to think that we can be each other’s “rivers” as well.  Getting on the plane will be harder than I’d like it to be, but I will carry Brazil back with me to the states, try to incorporate a little more of my Brazilian life into my American one, and make the most of being a continent closer to my family and friends.